Why am I so exhausted? Shutdowns in masking autistic adults – what’s behind them and what helps

Note: This post is a translated version of an article originally published in German on this blog.

It’s the end of the day. It was a good day, maybe even a successful one – and yet you suddenly feel empty, irritable, wiped out. You don’t want to talk, think or react. Your mind and body feel heavy. This happened to me earlier this week after a lovely day outdoors, followed by a long train journey with several transfers, crowded carriages and intense heat. When I finally arrived home, I felt ill, completely knocked out. And then the critical inner voice appeared: why are you lying here, you just had a wonderful day, what’s wrong with you? Although I do this for a living - working with these topics - it still took me a moment to realise: I was in a shutdown.

The sudden switch from feeling capable and on top of things one minute to complete exhaustion the next minute, keeps catching me by surprise, however often it happens. The term “shutdown” sounds dramatic, and even though the exhaustion is overwhelming, a part of me knows I could force myself to keep going if I absolutely had to – and as a mother, I regularly have to do just that, when a shutdown catches me while I’m alone with the kids. I take care of the essentials in a robotic way, even while my whole system is begging for REST. After I've covered the absolute essentials and finally get to collapse onto my bed, often a break of one or two hours is enough for me to make it through the rest of the evening, and the next day I’m more or less back on my feet. This is probably why I struggle to match the term “shutdown” with my lived experience.

However, naming one's experiences is so powerful. When something has a name, it becomes easier to recognise patterns and apply strategies. I’ve decided to call these moments mini-shutdowns. Or maybe power-shutdowns, similar to a power nap – one of my favourite tools against overload. Shutdowns are a reality: a common but little-known reaction among autistic adults, especially those who mask heavily. Many people know the label “high-functioning”; I find it misleading, because it hides the enormous amount of adaptive labour behind the scenes. A (mini-)shutdown is a clear sign: your system is hitting its limits – quietly, invisibly, but unmistakably.

Withdrawal is both warning signal and regulation

What is a (mini-)shutdown?

A shutdown is a withdrawal of the nervous system – different from a visible meltdown. Thinking and speaking become difficult, sensory input is hard to tolerate. Shutdowns often happen at the end of a “normal” day, when the mask can finally come off. It is not personal failure, but a biological protective response.

What does it feel like?

• Heightened sensory sensitivity: light, noise, clothing

• Sudden desire for retreat, temporarily m, barely responsive

• Can show up as increased muscle tension or complete collapse

• Emotional numbness or diffuse overwhelm – not sadness, but exhaustion

Why does it happen?

Autistic brains run on intensity. Sensory input is processed with less filtering, social adaptation in environments not designed for neurodivergent needs costs energy, and masking clogs internal systems. This builds up over the day. What can be compensated in the morning becomes too much in the evening. (Mini-) shutdowns are the endpoint of silent overload.

Why is it better sometimes and worse other times?

Even with good self-knowledge, solid routines and an environment tailored to your needs, it’s unrealistic to believe that shutdowns can be “managed away”. Our systems are responsive to internal and external change. Several factors can amplify vulnerability:

Key amplifiers

• Hormones: menstruation, perimenopause, menopause increase emotional instability, concentration issues and sensory sensitivity

• Weather: heat, rapid changes, air pressure impact the nervous system

• Nutrition & allergies: imbalances burden the body

• Alcohol as masking tool: increases sensory overload and disrupts self-regulation

• Sleep deprivation: reduces capacity to compensate

• General overstimulation: high social interaction (family, work), loud environments (construction, travel) multiply the load

What can help you?

This list is neither complete nor universal. Each person needs to discover what helps them. None of it works like magic. Think of it as a toolbox that still needs skill to be applied correctly in the right moment. Or see it as a game, where you constantly learn and get better at but sometime luck out even though you plaid it right.

• Recognise early signs: irritability, poor focus, inner buzzing, urge to withdraw

• Sensory breaks before overload peaks: short time-outs, headphones, mini-meditation

• Adjust the environment: dimmable light, comfortable clothing, temperature control (heat is a strong trigger)

• Structure: adapt your day to external conditions (siesta in heat), flexible goals, buffer time, clear transition into rest

• Nutrition & self-care: regular balanced meals, drinks without caffeine/alcohol, avoid allergens

• Self-compassion: avoid comparison – you’re not “moody”, you’re sensitive and responsive

For the people around you & interested in supporting you

A (mini-) shutdown can look quiet from the outside but feel very dramatic on the inside. These simple things can help

• Don't ask: “What’s wrong?” – it adds stress

• No touching unless you know the person likes to be held or without checking in

• No loud noises, reduce sensory input if possible (lights, smells, people)

• Signal presence: “I’m here if you need anything.”

• Allow withdrawal – without judgment

• Show understanding: this person has endured far more than you can see

• Offer a simple snack, ideally a known safe food – shutdowns often reduce access to internal signals of hunger or thirst

What now?

A (mini-) shutdown is not weakness. It is the expression of an overloaded system. With awareness, structure and considerate surroundings, shutdowns can be softened and integrated. A supportive environment can make a real difference.

Do you feel overwhelmed or exhausted even on seemingly “normal” days? Would you like to understand your boundaries better and shape your daily life in a way that works with your system rather than against it?

Let’s explore together how you can prevent shutdowns and manage your energy with clarity. Reach out for a free introductory call to find the approach that fits you.

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